language of love
Years ago I went to see a therapist to help me accept what I can not change and lower my expectations of those around me. Even though I don't practice any religion, I did not mind when I found out the therapist was a pastor. Her energy was delightful, positive and filled with love.
When I first walked into her home office, the first thing she did was give me this big, warm and long hug. Like she knew it's what I yearned the most.
After a while she asked if I knew what my languages of love were. "No" I answered. And everything after that changed.
Here's a quick crash course (in my own way): In order for you to sustain that love in your heart and keep your 'love tank' full, your partner needs to speak to you in the language that you understand the most. Not the language that is most easy for them or that they think is what you want. When the person speaks in your "language", your connection, your time together, the depth of your relationship becomes unbreakable and deep.
The 5 languages are as follows;
- Quality Time
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
Thanks to Dr. G Chapman (creator of the 5 languages of love) and my lovely therapist, I was educated on what my triggers were and in order for me to have a loving, sustainable and long-term relationship, it was my responsibility to educate my partner on those triggers and deliver on his triggers as well.
If you knew me, you'd know that my top languages were Physical Touch, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. It turns out that I project the languages that I so want most in my life. I am constantly encouraging my friends, offering my time to loved ones and touching people. I caught myself the other day at the local supermarket placing my hand on the woman in front of me as I was talking to her about the Pizza Bun! I mean seriously, that is sad. But that's really me. You want to show me that you love me, you want to show me that you care for me and that your heart is captivated by me... just touch me. hold me. hug me. I guess it's why I love dogs because every pet I ever owned did that and I found complete comfort in their warmth.
Then there's quality time mixed in with words of affirmation. I don't know how I do it, but I just do. For every person that matters anything in my life, I would instantly offer them my time and get sucked into this vortex of support. My undivided attention to make them know that they matter in my life at the drop of a dime. It's that quiet time that we spend together, talking, laughing, crying and just living together in the moment (while probably touching their arm or hand from time to time). Most of my fondest memories include a gathering or two with my loved ones, special moments over dinner or in some cozy private space. To know that you are offering me the most valuable gift of time, is something that resonates deeply in my heart. I never forget this gift.
Acts of service was never a major trigger, but as I get older I am starting to realize that people getting out of their way to do things just for me, is extremely thoughtful and memorable. When you remember my special dessert, the way I like to drink my coffee and other lovely things, I feel blessed and loved.
Last but not least, Gifts. I am not motivated by gifts or money. I LOVE receiving and giving them so don't get me wrong and I hold special gifts very close to my heart. One of my most special gifts are pieces of jewelry which I wear with only the loveliest of memories associated with them. I absolutely loved them. Still do.
In the end, my therapist got me to see that what sustains this woman and keeps her "love tank" full is a man who would offer her his time unselfishly, his arms for a warm and long hug and sweet words of encouragement. Come to think of it, they're all the most expensive and would require an individual who's sincere and trustworthy. If it's not done from the heart, I will feel it.
I end my session with some clarity and a bigger understanding of relationships. I get up, she offers me her arms for a loving hug and she whispers in my ear "Don't expect less of anyone around you, because you deserve that and more".
Find out your language of love today and may you be blessed with a partner who will honour those feelings.
